Fandom: FFVIII/FFIV
Characters/Pairings: Squall, Palom, Porom, Tellah
Rating: PG-13
Summary: How Squall would handle Mount Ordeals.
Notes: I made a comment to![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seventhe about how later FF heroes don't put up with the same stuff that earlier ones do. While I kind of like how Cecil has managed to soldier on with all the crap that keeps getting thrown at him, the idea of how a later FF hero, in particular Squall, would deal with this part of the game was a little too funny to resist.
And I actually love Palom, Porom, and Tellah. Squall is just a scar-faced malcontent.
"So you're telling me I have to climb that mountain and get some mystical thing at the top, and you're sending kids to help me?"
Squall thought that the name was a little ridiculous too. Mount Ordeals. Just who thought of that?
"Do you expect us to send you with full mages, with what you've done?"
"Yes. If you want me to be successful that is exactly what you should do."
"They're very talented. You'll just have to make do."
Squall looked down at the twins, and the girl was smiling up at him kind of moony-like while the boy was crossing his arms in a similar manner to himself. He sighed.
---
"And I'm a PRODIGY, the BEST EVER. You won't have to worry about a THING, Squall!"
"Palom, shut up. He's trying to actually hit something!"
It occurred to Squall that the old man was sending him on a fool's errand. Liking black did not mean he was dark and evil or whatever. Though, if these kids didn't shut up, he would definitely show them dark and evil, and soon. To top it all off, no matter how accurately he slashed at these enemies, it did utterly nothing. It was like he was a first year again and Seifer was on the sidelines shouting what he probably thought were some clever names.
He had a headache. And zombies were stupid.
"Just... quiet."
Squall gave up on slashing, grabbed the nearest potion, and broke it over the zombie's head. Strangely enough, the thing was down in seconds.
"Uh... you really shouldn't do that." Porom was the helpful sort in the way that Selphie was sometimes. But thankfully not showing the same signs that she might crack at any moment and kill everyone.
"It works."
"But we're going to NEED those potions, idiot." Palom needed to be strangled immediately.
"What am I supposed to do, just stand here and let things hit me?"
"I dunno, you make a good target."
Squall tossed another potion at the last zombie standing and glared at them.
---
They ran into another old man, but this one rambled a lot and cast spells. The spells were useful enough, even if Squall was less than pleased to see another old man that talked about mystical crap.
---
Squall'd made it to the top, but some freak in a robe wasn't letting him near the mystical thing of importance. They were out of potions, and he had taken to throwing rocks at enemies while Palom blathered on about stuff. To remain sane, he'd replaced everything the kid said with the sound 'buzz', in his head. It helped him to not accidentally knock him off the nearest cliff.
"Move."
"But I am Scarmiglione, Archfiend of the Earth! Worms will eat your crushed bodies!"
"...Really." Did he really need this magical thing to defeat the big evil? With a few strategic missiles and a well trained enough force he could just storm Golbez's castle. In fact, maybe that old man was just a sadistic person trying to get people to go to his crazy tourist trap. It was all a really complicated scam.
But the archfiend went down pretty quickly, which was surprising considering the very puffed up title. Squall almost felt like dancing. If he danced. Not that he did. Ever.
"Buzz buzz, BUZZ!" said the annoying twin.
He approached the important looking pedestal, and wondered if he could get a nice Triple Triad card for all this. That might lift his mood a little.
"Squall, uh, look behind you!" Porom was being helpful again.
The freak had suddenly become a lot bigger...and kind of tentacled. It brought to mind an unpleasant memory of when he had to share a room with Zell for a week, and several magazines he kept under his bed. Squall shuddered.
"I'm at my BEST in DEATH!"
Squall holstered his gunblade and started back across the bridge.
"But where are you going, boy?!" the old man shouted after him.
"I'm done. You fight it."
Squall stopped for a moment. He was leaving two kids and an old man with a freak that seemed to get a little too excited over the prospect of cadavers. Surely there was some moral reason he should stay?
"But you can't go!" Porom pleaded.
He tossed them a Phoenix Down that he kept in his jacket pocket instead, and smiled.
"I've got a better plan." The weird potion that took him to the bottom of the mountain without having to fight the undead had a bit of a cinnamon aftertaste. Refreshing.
Characters/Pairings: Squall, Palom, Porom, Tellah
Rating: PG-13
Summary: How Squall would handle Mount Ordeals.
Notes: I made a comment to
seventhe about how later FF heroes don't put up with the same stuff that earlier ones do. While I kind of like how Cecil has managed to soldier on with all the crap that keeps getting thrown at him, the idea of how a later FF hero, in particular Squall, would deal with this part of the game was a little too funny to resist. And I actually love Palom, Porom, and Tellah. Squall is just a scar-faced malcontent.
"So you're telling me I have to climb that mountain and get some mystical thing at the top, and you're sending kids to help me?"
Squall thought that the name was a little ridiculous too. Mount Ordeals. Just who thought of that?
"Do you expect us to send you with full mages, with what you've done?"
"Yes. If you want me to be successful that is exactly what you should do."
"They're very talented. You'll just have to make do."
Squall looked down at the twins, and the girl was smiling up at him kind of moony-like while the boy was crossing his arms in a similar manner to himself. He sighed.
---
"And I'm a PRODIGY, the BEST EVER. You won't have to worry about a THING, Squall!"
"Palom, shut up. He's trying to actually hit something!"
It occurred to Squall that the old man was sending him on a fool's errand. Liking black did not mean he was dark and evil or whatever. Though, if these kids didn't shut up, he would definitely show them dark and evil, and soon. To top it all off, no matter how accurately he slashed at these enemies, it did utterly nothing. It was like he was a first year again and Seifer was on the sidelines shouting what he probably thought were some clever names.
He had a headache. And zombies were stupid.
"Just... quiet."
Squall gave up on slashing, grabbed the nearest potion, and broke it over the zombie's head. Strangely enough, the thing was down in seconds.
"Uh... you really shouldn't do that." Porom was the helpful sort in the way that Selphie was sometimes. But thankfully not showing the same signs that she might crack at any moment and kill everyone.
"It works."
"But we're going to NEED those potions, idiot." Palom needed to be strangled immediately.
"What am I supposed to do, just stand here and let things hit me?"
"I dunno, you make a good target."
Squall tossed another potion at the last zombie standing and glared at them.
---
They ran into another old man, but this one rambled a lot and cast spells. The spells were useful enough, even if Squall was less than pleased to see another old man that talked about mystical crap.
---
Squall'd made it to the top, but some freak in a robe wasn't letting him near the mystical thing of importance. They were out of potions, and he had taken to throwing rocks at enemies while Palom blathered on about stuff. To remain sane, he'd replaced everything the kid said with the sound 'buzz', in his head. It helped him to not accidentally knock him off the nearest cliff.
"Move."
"But I am Scarmiglione, Archfiend of the Earth! Worms will eat your crushed bodies!"
"...Really." Did he really need this magical thing to defeat the big evil? With a few strategic missiles and a well trained enough force he could just storm Golbez's castle. In fact, maybe that old man was just a sadistic person trying to get people to go to his crazy tourist trap. It was all a really complicated scam.
But the archfiend went down pretty quickly, which was surprising considering the very puffed up title. Squall almost felt like dancing. If he danced. Not that he did. Ever.
"Buzz buzz, BUZZ!" said the annoying twin.
He approached the important looking pedestal, and wondered if he could get a nice Triple Triad card for all this. That might lift his mood a little.
"Squall, uh, look behind you!" Porom was being helpful again.
The freak had suddenly become a lot bigger...and kind of tentacled. It brought to mind an unpleasant memory of when he had to share a room with Zell for a week, and several magazines he kept under his bed. Squall shuddered.
"I'm at my BEST in DEATH!"
Squall holstered his gunblade and started back across the bridge.
"But where are you going, boy?!" the old man shouted after him.
"I'm done. You fight it."
Squall stopped for a moment. He was leaving two kids and an old man with a freak that seemed to get a little too excited over the prospect of cadavers. Surely there was some moral reason he should stay?
"But you can't go!" Porom pleaded.
He tossed them a Phoenix Down that he kept in his jacket pocket instead, and smiled.
"I've got a better plan." The weird potion that took him to the bottom of the mountain without having to fight the undead had a bit of a cinnamon aftertaste. Refreshing.
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Though, I would have thought Tellah would be more annoying for Squall from what I remember of him.
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I'm so happy you finished this. I actually feel bad for him for once. XD
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I'M STILL LAUGHING